Personalization without creepiness: Finding balance

Personalization can be powerful, but if you push it too far, it starts to feel creepy. What begins as relevance can quickly be transformed into discomfort. Instead of making people feel seen, we risk making them feel watched.

In this article, we explore when personalization crosses the line and how to strike the right balance between being helpful and being intrusive.

1. Benefits of email personalization

Before we jump into the areas in which personalization can go wrong, let’s remind ourselves why we still need it and why simply canceling it isn’t the answer.

It’s not just a trend. Personalization is a proven way to build stronger customer relationships and drive real business results.

Why personalization works

• emotional connection: Personalized messages show you understand the customer’s needs, making your brand feel more human and relatable;
• increased engagement: When content reflects a subscriber’s preferences, they’re more likely to keep opening your emails, click through, and take action;
• higher retention: Customers who feel respected are more likely to stay with your brand.

Personalization by the numbers

• 9 out of 10 marketers have seen increased ROI through personalization strategies;
• 66% of the customers expect brands to understand their needs and wants;
• 56% of millennial consumers say they will become repeat buyers after a personalized experience;
• 52% of customers prefer content in their native language over a lower price;
• 64% of customers say they will quit a brand due to the lack of personalization.

Personalization isn’t just a way to stand out, it’s also a way to stay relevant.

2. When personalization goes too far

Personalization can create powerful experiences, but there’s a fine line between helpful and creepy. And more marketers are realizing they’ve crossed it.

The downsides of overpersonalization

Here’s what can go wrong when personalization crosses the line

• it can harm your audience: Sometimes, being “too personal” touches a nerve. People may feel uncomfortable, judged, or manipulated by what they receive, or as some customers put it, too much personalization can feel like salt in a wound;
• customers get stuck in a content bubble: They keep seeing more of what they’ve already clicked — missing out on new products or campaigns. As a result, you lose potential cross-sells and upsells;
   

  Some brands have started dialing back one-to-one recommendations after realizing they were limiting discovery. Instead of expanding brand awareness, they were narrowing it. Over-targeting creates a filter bubble — where customers keep seeing more of the same and miss out on everything else a brand has to offer. Hyper-personalization doesn’t just raise ethical concerns — it can also hurt business performance.

  

  Jasper van Laethem

• unsubscribes go up: When emails feel too personal or intrusive, customers may back out entirely just to protect their privacy.

But here’s the twist

85% of brands believe they’re delivering personalized experiences, yet only 60% of consumers agree.

On paper, that sounds like a green light to push personalization even further. “Let’s crank it up so customers finally notice,” you may be thinking. However, some brands are already creeping into stalker territory without realizing it. So, how do you know when you’ve gone too far with email personalization?

Signs you’ve gone too far with email personalization

• you’re using data customers didn’t knowingly provide: Cross-channel personalization works well when it's based on interactions subscribers remember, such as signing up for your loyalty program or purchasing in-store. However, when emails reflect behavior gathered from third-party sites or unrelated apps, this can feel invasive. If recipients can’t connect the dots between their actions and your messages, you risk breaking their trust. 62% of consumers say they feel as if they’ve lost control of their personal data
• your emails feel overly specific: Mentioning the exact color someone used as a filter or referencing an item they hovered over once can make them feel unsettled. Just because you can personalize to this level doesn’t mean you should;
• every message feels like surveillance: “You viewed this,” “You left this in your cart,” “Still thinking about it?”— these emails can work individually. But if you send too many behavior-based emails in a short time, it starts to feel like someone’s watching. It’s better to prioritize or combine triggers;
• you keep pushing the same product or message: Showing the same product, category, or recommendation based on one past action creates a loop. If a customer already bought the item, continuing to promote it feels careless and can lead to churn.

Real-life examples of when personalization goes wrong

Example 1: Socially unacceptable predictions

One of the most well-known cases of over-personalization involved US retailer Target. Target used browsing and purchase data to predict whether someone might be pregnant and sent them personalized ads accordingly. The situation escalated when a teenager’s parents discovered her pregnancy through the coupons Target sent to their home, effectively outing her before she had the chance to share the news herself. What was technically smart backfired socially and ethically.

Example 2: Crossing data boundaries

Someone buys sneakers in your offline store, and you later send an email offering matching socks — great! If they used your loyalty card or app, this feels great as well. Someone Googles “baby strollers” and suddenly receives an email from a completely different brand offering strollers. That’s the moment customers think, “Wait... how do they even know that?” I’ve experienced this myself, and honestly, it felt creepy enough that I reported the email as spam, even though I’d interacted with the brand before. This is also very true for the banking industry.

Example 3: Sensitive topics

A person searches through your website for anxiety symptoms and soon starts receiving emails promoting therapy apps, regardless of whether they signed up for them or not. What could have been support ultimately feels like surveillance. Mental health and personal well-being are areas in which missteps can cause real harm.

Example 4: Too many insights

In B2B email outreach, showing that you understand the product or business need is a good thing. However, showing that you know the entire management team — and cc’ing them all — can feel intrusive and even a bit unsettling. It’s also unnecessary. Instead of impressing them, it might leave recipients asking themselves the following question: Why involve everyone instead of reaching out to the right person directly?

Example 5: Stuck in a purchase loop

After buying an engagement ring, a customer continues receiving ads for more rings. This is not only irrelevant. It also shows the brand isn’t paying attention to key milestones. Personalization should evolve with the customer journey, not repeat what’s already been done.

Consider another case: If you keep offering customers only what they already like — say, chocolate bars or apples they often buy — you miss the chance to introduce something new. Over time, this can lead to boredom, and eventually, you may lose the customer altogether.

These examples show that personalization isn’t just a technical challenge. It’s an emotional and ethical one, too. When done right, it feels respectful and helpful. When done wrong, it can feel manipulative, intrusive, or even careless. The key is not simply how much data you have and use, but how thoughtfully you use it.

Striking the right balance between email personalization and customer privacy

We don’t personalize just because we can. We personalize with purpose, specifically to be relevant, respectful, and helpful. The best personalization strategies strike a balance between what people tell us, what their actions reveal, and what serves their journey.

1. Prioritize segmentation over precision

Before diving into one-to-one personalization, or hyper-personalization, make sure you’re doing the basics right. Segment by lifecycle stage, interest, region, or behavior.

2. Personalize by journey stage

Tailor your messaging to where recipients are in their customer journey — whether they’re just discovering your brand, actively comparing options, or returning after a purchase. Deep personalization makes sense closer to conversion, while early-stage messages should focus on education, trust, and discovery.

3. Mix the personal with the universal

Pair subtle personal touches — like the recipient’s plan, location, or recent activity — with broader content, such as seasonal picks or bestsellers. This encourages discovery, avoids the filter bubble effect, and keeps emails from feeling too targeted or intrusive.

4. Watch the frequency, not just the message

Even the best personalization can feel invasive when it’s overdone. If someone abandons a cart, browses a product, and clicks a pricing page all in one day, they shouldn’t receive three separate emails about it. Overlapping triggers can quickly overwhelm your audience. Instead, prioritize or consolidate messages to keep the experience helpful, not hectic.

5. Don't overreact to every click

Just because someone visits your pricing page once doesn’t mean they’re ready to buy. That action alone could mean curiosity, comparison, or research for later. Instead of reacting instantly, look for patterns — repeated visits, deeper pageviews, or reading your FAQ — before sending a follow-up. Timing matters as much as content.

6. Listen to what people say and what they do

Don’t rely only on the preferences subscribers have once selected. Preferences have a half-life. People change their minds, and their actions often reveal this change first.

The best strategy here is to cross-check declared interests (zero-party data like surveys or sign-up forms) with real behavior (clicks, views, purchases) to stay current, respectful, and helpful.

7. Use relatability over precision when it makes sense

Not every email needs to feel like it was written just for one person. In fact, relatability can do wonders, especially in B2B. Instead of trying to predict someone’s next move, reflect their world with stories, use cases, and testimonials they recognize.

This kind of value-driven personalization doesn’t require deep tracking. It simply requires that you know your segments and speak their language.

Ways to collect data and keep it fresh without creeping people out

Respectful personalization starts with transparency. The most effective strategies are built on data that customers willingly share and expect you to use, from preferences to behaviors. Below are some practical ways to collect these data and keep your personalization helpful and welcome.

Collecting data

1. Zero-party data: just ask

Zero-party data is information customers share intentionally, such as preferences, interests, or feedback. It’s not inferred or tracked but, rather, voluntarily provided. This kind of data builds trust and sets clear expectations.

Some ways to collect it:

• signup forms;
• welcome quizzes and onboarding questionnaires;
• preference centers;
• quick polls or single-click surveys inside emails.
   

It works best when it’s fun, functional, and frictionless. A product quiz, a short onboarding guide, or a single-click update link can go a long way.

2. Behavior: listen, but don’t over-listen

First-party behavioral data shows what customers do, such as browsing, clicking, or purchasing. It complements what people say and helps refine your message.

How to keep your data relevant

Gathering data is just the first step. To keep personalization useful and respectful, you need to use the data well and keep it fresh.

Structure the data that you have

Even if you have great data, you can’t personalize at scale if they are scattered across tools or stuck in spreadsheets. Data need to be categorized, structured, and ready to act on, not just collected for the sake of it.

Use it, or you lose trust

If you ask for data and don’t act on it, people notice. Collect only what you need, and apply it meaningfully. Otherwise, it feels like a waste or worse — a breach of trust.

Refresh regularly: preferences have a half-life

Interests change. Someone who was interested in tech last season might be into wellness now. Relying on old data makes your emails feel out of touch.

To stay current, do the following:

• re-ask questions occasionally;
• let subscribers update their preferences easily;
• cross-check what they say with what they do.

Don’t forget the responsibility that comes with it

Having access to personal data also means being accountable for how it’s stored and who can access it. Limit internal permissions, secure integrations, and regularly audit what you keep. Not all data need to live forever, and the more sensitive the insights provided, the more important it is to protect the data you collect.

Wrapping up

Personalization is no longer just a technical challenge. It’s also an emotional and ethical one. The goal isn’t to impress with precision but, rather, to create trust through relevance. When done right, personalization helps people feel understood; when done wrong, it makes them feel stalked.

So, before launching your next campaign, ask yourself the following:

1. Are you providing value or just showing off how much you know?
2. Are you guiding subscribers forward or trapping them in a loop?
3. Are you respecting your audience’s expectations and privacy?

It’s not about more data. It’s about smarter use of the data you already have.

The future of personalization is about being well-balanced, empathetic, and adaptable. Know your audience; honor their journey; and always, always leave room for surprises.